28/11/2016

Gilmore Girls Revival: A Somewhat Cynical Review


Today it is 3C outside and my plan (having not set my alarm and still only managed to sleep til 8:30 ...) is to finally watch the new Gilmore Girls. Not gonna lie, I've been looking forward to this ever since it was announced. It's slightly bittersweet though, half of the anticipation was about watching and dissecting it with my fellow geek who was equally in love with these girls, their sweet town, and odd lives. Much like the Stars Hollow seasons are about to roll by though, they've scooted past in real life too and now I'm in my jim jams, watching it with only a hot chocolate, a pack of marshmallows, and emergency emotional sideswipe kleenex for company. So, dear internet, I figured I'd whack my commentary on this here blog, as I watch. It's a lazy post to be sure but I was so looking forward to it, until it came to watching it without my equally obsessed person, that I'm feeling a little sad about the whole thing honestly, so here goes (spoilers ahead ... obviously):



WINTER:

1. It's been 2 minutes and I'm already over the rapid whimsical witticisms ... oh God ... the cynicism has set in.
2. Stars Hollow still feels like home, like nothing bad could happen there. 
3. YEY for Lorelai and Luke still being together
4. Somehow it's not funny that Lorelai, Rory AND Luke are so blasé about Paul ... poor Paul!
5. Incredibly unbelievable that they can eat that much junk food and not be fat ... like not even cute really ...
6. Tap dancing? Woah careful on the "quirky" there, it's a fine line.
7. "You have got to cut that poor boy loose" "I know, I keep meaning to and I just keep forgetting" ... Ohhhh yeah! How did I forget that Rory is basically just a cruel girl with big "But I'm a nice person though ..." blinky eyes. I feel like I may be a little biased but you can tell yourself, and be connnnstantly told by others, that you're as "nice" as you like ... but actions speak louder than words! Never was Rory's biggest fan ... now I suspect I'm about to very much dislike her ...
8. So far Kirk, Michel and Emily are the only characters not horrendously overacting.
9. Richard :( *crying into my marshmallows*.
10. Will Lorelai ever stop being so butthurt?! What a cruel thing to do to her mother to not even make up one kind story!
11. They had food made for them and all they can do is bitch about it?
[Was this show always so ... horrendously snarky and privileged?!]
12. "Yeah well, nobody gets to have everything they want in life, all in all I think I did pretty good" - Thank you Luke, injecting some down-to-earth! (He so wants a kid) At this point I'm just gonna go ahead and predict that Lorelai and Luke will be pregnant by "Autumn" ...
14. OMG RIVER! Dr Who OM .... never mind :( *eats another marshmallow*
15. Urm, yey Logan ... but where the hell is Paul?!
16. Wow Rory ... Wow ... all you had to do was NOT cross the OCEAN to sleep with this loser, yeah that's even worse than wasting another human being's time.
17. "Nothing brings me joy" ... I feel ya Emily! God I wish I'd gone into extreme tidying mode though ... Sad old people kill me, I guess the only thing worse than losing someone who's kept you company your whole life though, is never having anyone at all. Better to have loved and lost etc.
18. Yeah, a baby is happening here somehow ... maybe Rory will get knocked up by Paul but then will have the kid and give it to Luke and Lorelai and sod off with Logan ... 

SPRING: 

1. Well she's the worst therapist in the world ... ask a question maybe?
2. Don't forget a laxative after all that food ... 
3. My casual racism radar is in flames on the floor
4. Brexit joke? Still too soon!
5. Odette, nice name, suddenly way higher on my preferences than "Lorelai" or "Rory"!
6. Do not want to think of Taylor with a creamy filling. Nope. Also, now predicting that Lorelai gets pregnant in Summer but then tragically dies of a profiterole prompted heart attack in Autumn.
7. Oh God ... Luke gave Lorelai some advice ... the ONLY thing that can happen now is that she passive aggressively try to destroy their relationship with lies and quirkiness.
8. Product plaaaaacement
9. Are there literally NO employment laws in the US? Quit randomly firing people who have kids and mortgages! Geez Lorelai, be a little more thoughtless why don't you ! ... Like mother like daughter. Just bring back Sookie already, we all know she's coming.
10. Hoping Rory's "lucky outfit" somehow disguises how selfish she is ...
11. Be picky about who you marry? Rory's definitely keeping her options open ...
12. 2nd Lena Dunham reference ... careful
13. Ohhh lying to Luke ... CALLED IT! Here comes the passive aggressive destroying of the relationship
14. Rory is cheating on her boyfriend with an engaged dude and it's the one night stand she's freaking out about?! Because cheating with a charming and shallow rich guy who A) doesn't want you and B) is in a relationship, is better than "slumming it" with a, hopefully single, and obviously somehow attractive geek?
15. Annnnnndddddd after pride comes the fall ... please God make me like or relate to this girl in ANY way in the next 2 episodes! The world does not owe you anything ... most people have worked this out by 30yrs old ...

SUMMER: 

1. "Why are you getting up?" She's SO PREGNANT. Orrrr something hideous happened :\
2. Also yey for intelligent girl (April) who's not up her own arse about it
3. Ace ... can't we just keep things the same ... sigh. Well, finally relating a little ...
4. Lot more priest and molestation jokes than I remember now that everyone's older, I'm 50/50 on this ...
5. Oh heyyyyy, once again Rory completely fails to consider anyone else/s feelings or anticipate their needs ... ace. You're a LOCAL paper editor, get off your high horse!
6.  ... 5 stars for Stars Hollow: The Musical!
7. JESSSSSSS <3
8. Lorelai IS the queen of understanding! (Well, with regards to her daughter and literally nobody else on the planet) Try some empathy Rory, for ONCE!
9. 'Talk to me "I'm here" ... ' URGH sod off Logan.
 - We should say goodbye
- If that's what you want
- Don't make this my thing
- Sorry
- So that's it, we're  breaking up, except we can't break up ... because we're nothing

Fuck ... I really need Rory to get past this, however annoying she is. 

10. "Unbreakablllleeee" ... so multiple hours of Gilmore Girls WILL break you * tiny sob *

FALL (Or more correctly, Autumn):

1. Ahhhhh ridiculously long mid life crisis hike, strong choice! Maybe also considering Triathalons or Ultra Running!
2. Get Ready ... Kick Up a Rumpus ... PLEASE let this be Jess being awesome
3. "No story, just a punchline". Strong meaningless line.
4. Oh crap no, it's Logan "charming timewaster" again. URGH. Queue boring rich kids being hilaaaaaariously crazy, kooky, and irresponsible in fancy places. Blahhh, boring. 
5. Gonna predict ... because it's worked so well thus far ... that Rory will either A) End up calling Jess, or B) Sleep with Logan then end up calling Jess. 
6. - Don't do the math. 
 - Someone needs to. 
Truth.
7. Hey LOGAN, you don't get to be all oooops I made her sad and but I'm hurting tooo, after you dicked her over. Nope. You're an ass, you used her AND you cheated on your fiancé. Might as well embrace it, and quit bribing her with money/houses!
8. I'd like someone to buy me a pretzel now ... and to hand me a hankie ...
9. Correction, I need a Luke to buy me a pretzel. *sob*
10. YEY WEDDING. Now a baby is required ... someone be pregnant darn it.
11. 3pm that's fine, mysterious appointment ... RORY IS SO PREGNANT
12. Come on already, how did Christopher feel letting his kid be raised by a single mum? More like how will Logan feel!
13. "You taught me what safe feels like" <<< THAT, that right there is what I'm looking for! (If it looks like Jared Padalecki I'm fine with that too)
14. Ahahaha yes Emily! This is what I want to do when I'm retired, research history and traumatise children!
15. Annnnnd Rory suddenly loves baggy clothes, subtle.
16. Over Rory? Couldn't possibly be, they're destined for each other. Although now of course he's going to be the ultimate gent and raise another man's child.
17. Fuck yeah Paul, well done. Rory is 100% not worth your time! 
18. "Mom, I'm pregnant" Uhhrrr Maaaa Gherrrd, so shocked ... but also ... yey baby :) But hey no ... what about Jess? Darn it!

6 hours later ... a solid effort I think. I would of course have liked a Shakespearean "and everybody got married the next day" ending but as Luke said "nobody gets to have everything they want in life". It's probably a good thing Rory is going it alone too ... she needs like another decade to mature before she's let loose with another person's heart! I probably won't ever watch it again to be honest. That innocent Stars Hollow shimmer has faded and now it just feels like that moment, growing up, when you realise that basically nobody is perfect however much you wish they were, life is messy, and things don't always work out ok in the end. I don't need that from my nostaligic tv watching, I have enough of that in real life thanks!

I'm so relieved that Emily pulled through though, however awful she is sometimes. The idea of growing old alone is terrifying to me. I guess this is why people have kids! (Although I assume there are benefits other than company and support when your partner dies ... surely?)

I think that's enough now though, I've reached peak Gilmores! Solid way to stay cosy and rest my poor gym achey peggles but of course I didn't crack 1000 steps all day so tomorrow is definitely going to require leaving the house! 

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